Faithfulness

Aggie's got a tag going on her blog and this week she wants to know,

"What are the things you want them to know about life after the wedding?"

I assume she's referring to the kids as "them".

There's a lot of things I can say. The usual things like marriage is a lot of work, you need to make God the center of your marriage, etc. These may seem cliche-ish, in fact, but they need to be said. Even we, married couples, need to be reminded of them every now and then.

But that's not what's in my mind right now. I've been thinking about faithfulness.

What does it mean to be faithful or unfaithful, for that matter?

Does unfaithfulness only happen when you have an extramarital affair?

What exactly did we vow to when we got married? To love and to hold, from this day forward, in richer and in poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part.

Obviously, having an extramarital affair is a clear indication of unfaithfulness. But how about moments when we are not loving to our spouse? When instead of trying to understand his situation and point of view, we insist we are right and stay stubborn? Or when in moments of anger, we hurl all kinds of hurtful words? Or when we refuse to apologize? Aren't those moments of unfaithfulness to the vow of marriage too?

To love and to hold. To love and to cherish.

If I were to tell my kids one thing about life after the wedding, I'd tell them to remember the vows said on the wedding day and stay faithful to those vows especially during times when it's hard to love the spouse. Ask themselves honestly, "Is this an act of love?" If it is, then it should be a good thing for the relationship. If it isn't, then it's probably something that is best avoided.

This is the challenge to me now. To be faithful at all times at all cost. To continue to be loving towards my husband even when it's not reciprocated. To continue to serve him even when I feel ignored and unappreciated. Because I was loved first. And I have been loved enough in my lifetime (and continue to be loved by my God) that there is enough love to be given away even when I'm not loved back by the person.

This may not be a popular point of view, given the world's emphasis on personal fulfillment above all else. Then again, Christian values are really not aligned with the values the world is advocating.

To love. To hold. To cherish. What do these mean to you and your marriage?

*postscript: For the record, I'm not personally having issues with unfaithfulness in my marriage. This stream of thought was prompted by a conversation about some failed marriages I know of. It was deeply disheartening to hear of such broken relationships.
I'd love to have written of something more light-hearted. But this was something that's been brewing in my head for a while. The idea that we can be unfaithful to the marriage even when we're s.e.x.ually faithful to our spouses.

Thanks for reading. *smile*

6 comments:

Aggie | Tuesday, July 01, 2008 5:03:00 PM

I actually am so moved with this.

You are right, selflessness in marriage can be attained without having to lose oneself. It may require a lot of personal sacrifices - pride, for one, but that is how you committed yourself in a marriage.

Ang galing galing naman Joy.
Thanks for sharing.

DigiscrapMom | Tuesday, July 01, 2008 6:16:00 PM

i just want you to know how you got me thinking about my life all over again after reading this.

as always, thank you for making me see that life is still beautiful.

Joy | Tuesday, July 01, 2008 9:08:00 PM

@Aggie, I'm glad you liked it. I was afraid it seemed too depressing.

@Liz, thanks for the kind words. As always, you make me smile and feel good with your words of encouragement.

Tylertopia | Wednesday, July 02, 2008 10:07:00 AM

I loved reading this, Joy. I completely agree with you that there is definitely so much more to faithfullness than the average person would describe. This is certainly important and I, too, would want my children to remember this after the wedding. :o) Thank you for sharing your heart today.

Aggie | Wednesday, July 16, 2008 5:54:00 PM

Yours was my most favorite :D

Thank you for sharing your insights to AWK: The Married Life. The recap is posted - I hope you read everyone's entries!



The third installment of the Aggie Wants To Know Series is up! It's intimidating at first but Im sure you'll enjoy reading it once you are done! You can do your own thing too - I just want to know how the the first six months of 2008 went for you :) I hope you join!

Gracie | Wednesday, July 16, 2008 11:24:00 PM

quite moving. i hope you don't mind if i share this post to my other married friends, as well.

God bless you!