Why does it always have to be me?

Why does it always have to be me?

More often than not, when DH and I have a spat, I am the one who approaches him to try and smooth things between us - even when I feel like I'm the aggrieved party...why does it always have to be me?

My primary love language is touch and I really like to wooed when I'm all annoyed and stuff. Lambing is the tagalog word for what I want. And I've told DH this a million times over. Still, I am most often the one to break down and approach him. He can ignore me for a whole week - a whole month maybe, if he wanted to. I, on the other hand, cannot stand that! So, I am the one who initiates our making up...but why does it have to be me?

It gets tiring. It does. Sometimes, when I'm feeling particularly pissed, I vow to myself that I am not backing down. If he wants a standoff, then a standoff is what he'll get. But it never lasts on my part. It is always me who takes that first step.

Is it because I am the woman?
Does it mean I love him more than he loves me?

During moments of calm like today, when I can think clearly, it does not really matter the anwers to those questions. I take the first step because I love him. I take the first step because I value our relationship too much. I take the first step because that's what I've been taught - always make things right with the person you have a grievance.

And recently, as I had become a witness to some drama in his family, I see and understand more clearly why he is the way he is. It is said that we are a product of our family. Now, I see him as a product of his family. And I see how he and I were raised differently.

I need to remember this the next time we have a spat and I'm being hard-hearted. It does not matter if I take the first step again. What matters is that we talk and resolve our disagreements. And when I'm tempted to whine, "Why does it always have to be me?" I only need to be reminded of my vow to love him unconditionally. If this is one way that I can show him my commitment and love, then I will gladly let it be me.