In "Other" Words

In "Other" Words

"There are two kinds of people:
those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,'
and those to whom God says,
'All right, then, have it your way.'"
~ C.S. Lewis ~

"This can't be happening! I cannot be pregnant again... I just had my period, didn't I?"
My mind was racing as I stared into the pregnancy test that glowed with a big fat positive.
"Dear God, NOOOOOO! I AM NOT PREGNANT! You can't do this to me God. Why? I have enough on my plate as it is. I don't need another child. This really isn't the best time to be pregnant, Lord. My husband is in school full-time. My son will be starting Kindergarten in the fall. My 2 girls are getting to be a handful. Where will I find the time to be pregnant? I won't have anyone to watch the kids while I go to my Doctor's appointments which I'm sure will be a hassle again since I am quite certain I have gestational diabetes... again! God, can't YOU see that this isn't a good time at all?!?!"
I continued to ramble on, with tears flowing from my now puffy eyes.

Forward to a week later...I'm still rambling. "I can't be pregnant. God, NO!" I was as defiant as ever, throwing another positive pregnancy test in the trash.

Forward to a month later ... I'm still defiant. "I can't believe you're doing this to me, GOD! Why are you giving me this?"

A couple of weeks later ... I am resigned but still stubborn. "Okay, so I'm really pregnant but I'm still not okay with it Lord. I just know this is going to be a miserable time. I know. I'm sure it will be. It will be the worst ever!"

And then...
"I'm tired Lord. I don't want to be miserable anymore. Where are you? Why don't you answer me?"

In a hushed tone, the Lord lovingly whispers, "Come here, My daughter. I never left. I was by your side the whole time. But you kept screaming and kicking and wailing, you never heard Me nor saw Me. But I was here. I've never left. I never will. You wanted to cry so I let you. You wanted to scream so I let you. You wanted to kick so I let you. You wanted to carry your burden alone. I knew you were going to tire eventually. And then you'd find me right here to catch you and embrace you and kiss your tears and pains away."

"I love you, Lord."

"I love you even more."

I nuzzled my head further into the crook of my Father's arms.

"Rest now, dear one. You are safe in your Father's embrace. It pained me to see you in so much pain. You know that, don't you?"

I gently nodded my head as I closed my eyes.

He stroked my hair lovingly and kissed me on the top of my head.

"Shhh...rest now. I am here. You don't have to be alone. Let Me take care of you."

"Let Your will be done," I whispered as I fell asleep in my Father's arms.