Parenting

Parenting

“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backwards nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.”
- excerpt from “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran

I first read this piece almost 10 years ago. I was still in college then and had no idea what God had in store for me. Even then, I was struck by Gibran’s words. It seemed to me a template of how to raise children. Now, as a parent of 2 (soon-to-be-3), I see more clearly the wisdom of his words.

My children are not my children.
They are God’s own given to me for safekeeping.
I bore them into the world, yet I did not create the life that flows in them.
Only God can create life.
They are with me now, yet I do not own them.
I will love them, care for them, give my whole life for them;
But I can not, will not and should not live their lives for them.
God has plans for them, far beyond what I can see… far greater than what I can imagine… more than what I desire for them.
I can nurture their bodies with food, their minds with knowledge of God and the world, their hearts with love and good values
But only they can nurture their own souls.
I can lead them towards God but I cannot take the journey for them.
For the journey is their own.
It goes forward, never back.
And their journey continues on even after my own has ceased.
I am but an instrument in God’s hand.
I do not dictate how my children are to be sent forth into the world.
Only God sees their purpose, He sees the path which they must take.
God will bend me, stretch me
so that I may raise my children to go where God desires them.
May I always consider it a joy to be bent and twisted and curved no matter the pain or difficulty
For even as God delights in the children,
So He delights in the parent who seeks His will.

I pray that I become a parent who truly seeks the Lord’s will in raising my children. It is simple really. Yet the challenge lies in its simplicity. I am to care for and rear my children in the way that God desires. I will lead them towards a path that God has appointed and not in the path that I want. I need to submit my own dreams and desires for each of them to the greater desire and plan of God. In a way, it makes it easier for me. I do not have to overwork myself trying to become the “perfect” parent, relying on my own strength and imperfect human abilities. God has poured out His grace that I become exactly the parent my children needs.