Fears

Fears

As my pregnant belly grows bigger each day, my thoughts turn more often into dread as the day I give birth draws nearer. The reality that I have to go through labor once again hits me each time I get dressed and see how big I have become. How am I going to get through another round of labor pains? I was fortunate not to have very long labors with my first 2. But each pregnancy is different, right? What if it is different this time? 2 quick labors might just be too good to be true. This 3rd time, I might not be as lucky.

I am afraid...

... that the baby might be too big to pass thru my birth canal and a C-section might have to be done.
... that I have not taken care of myself as well as I have in my previous pregnancies.
... that complications may arise because I have not been exercising and walking as much.
... that the baby might have complications because I have not been faithfully taking my prenatal vits (they make me nauseated!)
... that the baby might have as many allergies as my nephew Toby (He's allergic to anything with wheat, eggs, butter, nuts, soy, milk... fatally allergic!)
... that I might not be able to cope with life with 3 kids under the age of 5!

And the list goes on... If I write every single fear I am carrying with me right now, I might break down and bawl and never recover. I think these fears have been with me from the very moment I learned I was pregnant. But I pushed them away, way into the back of my mind, and took the pregnancy a day at a time. Now, as the end of the pregnancy draws near (it's just over a month to go), these fears are pushing their way into my consciousness. I woke up last night, or early this morning with a really bad leg cramp (this was a usual thing in the last month of my last 2 pregnancies ) and all these fears came rushing to me. Oh, dear Lord!

That should be enough wallowing in fears for today. A ton of chores await me and maybe these should keep my mind busy enough to forget all that I am anxious about. Tonight will be another story. But let me not add that to my ever-growing list of fears and anxieties!